May 28, 2014 § 2 Comments
And the needle leaves
a little red hole. The raw point
spreads under your skin, blossoming
and billowing (like when
paint into water; like when
at images taken in
deep space; like
close but infinite) it curls, unfurls
tiny tendrils that wrap
round old scars and new
grabbing gripping assimilating
them like some
strange carnivorous plant
in the deep undiscovered jungle.
And you take pictures
with your phone, hoping
the precise shades of purple
and blue, and brown,
and yellow that are hunched up
in the bend of your arm and burning
against your clothes, ’til
you can almost see the smoke.
And you send them to people, post
them share them. Enjoy
the exclamations, the amazement.
What a bruise, what a mark, how much blood, all from one tiny little needle-prick! And it comes
to smell like a hospital; when you
pull your sleeve up cautiously the walls
whiten, lights brighten, machinery
whirrs and clicks. People sob.
The day trembles beneath your skin.
The sun watches you with malevolence; silver
shudders at the edges of your vision.
The colour seems all you are.
And then one day you glance
and the sight of clear
pale skin sends a jolt through your
system. It is colourless and empty;
you are disappointed. You wonder
where the little universe could have gone. It makes
you want to sob, too.
It feels final.
May 26, 2014 § Leave a comment
“She was the voice of a generation.”
And I can’t even speak for myself
Let alone anybody else.
The confirmation of inadequacy
May 22, 2014 § Leave a comment
The dog is suddenly terrified by
the hot water bottle flopping forwards
in her arms; it looks alive –
he cannot bear it, his ears prick,
he pants, he retreats hastily, unsure.
She thinks it’s funny, amusing –
she calls him near then moves it
again, repeating the fear now greater
he leaps away, he cannot understand
why she loves him but frightens him.
I cannot bear it either; a fundamental
difference between human beings;
one, seeing a frightened creature, finds
laughter in suffering. The other has
known terror and will do anything to stop it.
May 18, 2014 § Leave a comment
A nebula spreads beneath
my skin, swirls outwards,
rich blues, purples, pinks rush
rampant, racing for rusted edges.
The depths are dark and timeless,
broken only by the silvered
scars that prick light like, life-like stars.
And in the centre, a hole
like a sun blazes red
and raw, the centre of
In the tender crook of my arm, where
the nerves gather and flow,
I cradle a perfect world in miniature –
isn’t it miraculous how
infinitely powerful damage can
make you feel?
May 7, 2014 § Leave a comment
Since I do occasionally find myself with the odd blemish (don’t tell anyone, everyone seems to think my skin is absolutely perfect and I get a surprising amount of compliments on it) I am always on the lookout for a decent concealer or cover stick. I have a few I’ve bought and only used once or twice, too, as it’s only with regular use that you can really figure out how a concealer plays with your foundation and powder, and how well it lasts through an entire day of wear.
So when I saw this cheapie Essence concealer it had to come home with me for some good old-fashioned testing. 😀
Shade number 01 in Matt Sand is the lightest one, which is a tad too dark for my skin tone but once blended and under foundation is really doesn’t matter, you can’t see the difference at all. The formula also contains allantoin which has a calming effect, so not only does this little product cover your blemishes up, it also helps to treat them. The consistency of this product is nice and thick, which means it covers blemishes effectively and it it less likely to blend away completely under your foundation or just under the bustle of the day, and it comes in a handy little twist up applicator. I find it easiest to apply it with the applicator where I need it, and use my fingertips to heat the product and blend the edges into my skin. A concealer brush is nifty but don’t fret if you don’t have one; fingers are very good for this sort of thing (especially now as the temperature drops and products change consistency slightly as a result).
As you can see, it is pretty effective! I am very happy with it and will probably repurchase it, unless I find something better. Essence is a fabulously-priced brand (this particular product was definitely less than R50) and it is cruelty-free so you can splurge with a clear conscience. 😉
May 6, 2014 § Leave a comment
Four out of five dentists
It might hurt,
it will probably bleed.
(But just think
of how white,
little teeth will
by reddened gums!)
If you spit pink
saliva into the cool
curve of the sink –
and your mouth
tastes of metal –
and you gag a little –
it means it’s working.
We all know that
the best things in life
leave you bloodied
and gasping. They
take some determination
and some suffering.
That’s how you know
they’re worth it.
May 6, 2014 § Leave a comment
I hover at the edge of tears, uncertain
A tremulous fawn, half-wild, stricken –
One momentous step between us.
The sky hangs like a lead curtain
Pushing down, grasping, gripping;
There is no sun today. The world is
Grey. And white. Dim, like a memory
Faded with use, crumbling a little
More each time I pull it out to gaze
At it. I am unhappy. My life crushes
Me; I can feel my organs groaning,
Churning; my bones protesting. In the
Red heat my nerves race and flare.
Something pushes back. I will be
Either collapsed inwards, or, maybe
Flung outwards – these pressures
Cannot hold. I will not be the same
After this. I hope.